Life Needs Confidence and Courage.

　　I am a child without a heart. I never knew how to understand my mother's heart; I've only hurt it again and again. But my mother still loved me despite everything I've done to her.

　　I think she's the most unfortunate person on this world because she doesn't know what happiness is. When she was little, her family was poor so she suffered a lot. And when she was older, she married my father because of my uncle’s marriage. She was young and didn't know how to behave so my paternal grandmother often scolded her. My father and her did not get along well (they often fought), and that was how her married life was. Afterwards, she had me and my younger brother, and that brought a new beginning for my parents. They didn't fight anymore and their relationship improved. But these happy days didn't last very long; my father soon left home and left us nothing. At that time, many people encouraged her to leave my brother and me to marry again because she was very young and no one would want us kids. But my mother didn't do that. She believed we already didn’t have a father, so we couldn't live without a mother too. She chose us, and at the same time she chose the difficult road. To survive, she had to go find work faraway and leave us at our maternal grandmother's home. Our mother worked hard to earn money so she could give us what other children had. This way, we would never know what we were missing and how we were different from others. She put all her hope on us, saving money for us to go to school. But we didn't understand why she was doing this or her difficulties. Not only did we not study at school, but we also wrecked chaos everywhere so our grandmother had to go to school again and again to beg for forgiveness and bear the teacher's criticism. People often came to our house asking for reparations; saying sorry became my grandmother’s routine. Relatives all scolded us and said we were causing chaos while our mother was paying for everything, but our mother never said anything. I remember one summer, I brought my books home and my grandmother, wanting to cheer up our mother, praised that I took good care of my books: they were clean, new, and not one bit damaged. I think she definitely knew that I wrote nothing in my books because she never saw me do homework at home. My mother flipped through my homework books and textbooks, and her expression became pained. I looked into her eyes, which were so disappointed and sad. My heart was suddenly empty as guilt flooded it. From then on, I worked hard for a couple days, but soon gave up because becoming a diligent student was not easy and demanding. Again, I played and wasted my time. I lived this way for a couple years until my grandfather died and my grandmother could no longer take care of us. My mother couldn't stay home because we depended on her for survival. So I had to cook and look after my brother. At first it was interesting, but slowly I began to tire of it. But if I didn't cook, my brother and I would starve, and if I didn't do the laundry, we would be dirty. I suddenly realized that my mother was playing both the father and mother roles and how difficult it must be. During that time, I grew up a lot, but I still didn't study hard because I didn't have confidence in myself, because I had given up on myself a long time ago.

　　Mother was very worried about us: she was afraid we couldn't handle everything so she brought us to Beijing and wanted us to go to school there.When we just arrived in Beijing, I wasn't use dot it because everything about Beijing was very foreign to me. It made me feel small, sorry for myself, and like this city had no space for me. Seeing my mother sweat every day at her job, my heart was again very empty. I didn't want to go to school because I knew my mother was trying so hard just so we can go to school and have a good life. However, my studies was very poor and going to school was like wasting a lot of money. Maybe my mother say through my worries and all she said was, “Try your hardest, don't worry about anything else.”

　　When I first set foot inside the Dandelion School and saw the eight big letters on the school building, I suddenly had an urge to study hard. But I quickly diminished that thought because my studies were so poor, it seemed like a joke to study hard. Under the guidance of my teacher, I became a student in the eighth grade (Class 1) class. Seeing so many strange faces, I became very nervous and felt small. I sat at my desk and was very quiet, not saying hello to anyone because I was a little afraid. But many classmates came to talk to me and eased my fear as I chatted with them. There was also the teachers, who are the best ones I ever came across. Every day, they showed their care and love for every student and never gave up on any of them, no matter how good their grades were or how poor they were. There was also the principal, who was always kind, gentle, and easygoing.

　　Under the help of my teachers, my studies improved and I slowly regained my confidence. The Dandelion School gave me the opportunity to have a new life. Here, I felt confident every single day, and used my determination to thank all who cared for me.

　　Life needs confidence; never give up on yourself.
　　　　
（The Dandelion School: Eighth grade (Class 1) Hu Yian 胡燕 Fall Semester of 2006）
(Translated by Diana)